I am not a romantic writer.
(Picture from here.)
It’s not that I’m against love or sex or romantic
entanglements. I just have problems when they seem bolted on, like a goose
glued onto a wombat. Maybe this is a function of being (*ahem*) older. But it
seems like most works have to have some kind of romantic subplot.
This came home to me recently as we were finding a series to
watch. We first looked at Invasion
(Apple), then Dark Winds
(Netflix), and finally The
Diplomat (Netflix.) In each case, we’re going along with a really
interesting plot, good characters, intriguing mystery, when a (in my opinion,
unnecessary) romantic subplot shows up. We finished Dark Winds and The
Diplomat but not without yelling at the TV a fair amount.
(Note: in discussing this, I will be mentioning spoilers. So,
if that bothers you, stop here. I’m not sure which of my two readers is going
to be bothered by this. And, if I insult a show you like, well, everyone has
their own opinion on such things.)
Again, I’m not against a relationship showing up in a
work of fiction but I want it to come out of love, not a contrived romantic
narrative. I mentioned recently The Thin Man
and Charade.
The Thin Man shows what I would consider a truly loving relationship and
Charade has a budding romance between Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant at
the very heart of the film. Both films are excellent and stand up to repeated
viewings.
I just get antsy when it seems like the subplot was added against
its will.
(Perhaps, there should be regulation on subplot abuse where
writers or production houses insist on inappropriately including them in works.
I have this image of the romantic subplot on the witness stand in a harassment suit,
tearfully recounting how it had to be forced to play in a thriller. “It was
horrible,” sobs the witness. “Having to stop the plot to work out relationship
kinks while everybody on set was staring at me. They just wanted to continue
filming the action, but they couldn’t. They couldn’t!”)
Part of it, I think, is laziness. If you introduce a dangerous
romance—which includes all three of the shows I mentioned at the beginning of
the post—it pretty much has to dominate the story. If it doesn’t, it’s neither
truly dangerous nor as consuming as the plot indicates.
The Diplomat is a particularly egregious in this
regard. There are two romantic subplots, one when Kate Wyler, first as US
Ambassador then as Second Lady, has close sexual calls with the UK Foreign
Minister. The other is when she has a full-on affair as Second Lady and
Ambassador with a British spy. Both of these are incredibly risky and shows
Kate either as compulsively impetuous or stupid—neither of which is supported
by any other part of the show.
If one takes these romantic subplots seriously—which the
show doesn’t—then the main character risking the integrity, honor, and
credibility of the United States should be center stage. But, no, it’s bolted
on.
Within the confines of the show, Kate Wyler is married to
Hal Wyler and they alternate between love and hate beautifully. The portrayal
of the broken marriage is superb. They are an incredible political team even
when they are at cross purposes. That relationship should always be
center stage and never diluted by external factors. But I think it scared the
writers. The relationship drama was too good. I had this feeling they said to
themselves, if we continue this we’re actually going to have to work for
a living. And they introduced someone else to take the heat off.
Which, I think, happens a lot. Oh, no! We have an incredibly
dark situation between a woman and her husband with the world falling apart.
Quick, add a quick sexual encounter in a hallway to distract the audience. Or, we
have a woman working border patrol who’s stumbled onto a terrible drug plot.
There’s no one she can trust—oh, wait! She sleeps with a guy. Now, she can
trust him.
When I first started thinking about this, I thought that
maybe they were doing a Tristan and Iseult:
two people caught up in all consuming, divine passion. They must fulfill their
love or die. I mean, it’s not my idea of a good time but I understand
it. I’m more in the Parzifal
wing where the Parzifal and Condwiramurs have three nights together without
knowing what to do. only to discover things almost by accident.
But, no. These relationships are put in place to serve a
purpose. It’s marketing, pure and simple. My problem with all of these is they
try to fit complex human situations into neat little boxes so they aren’t
investigated in depth.
I had a friend that once suggested that Americans really
only had three relationships: parent to child, friend to friend, and lovers. There’s
even a romantic comedy about how a friendship between a man and a woman was
impossible: When
Harry Met Sally.
I remember when I watched Hidalgo. There is a
scene where a young woman, Jazira, and Frank Hopkins are talking in a tent and
they’re discovered. While I watched the scene, I kept thinking Don’t kiss.
Don’t kiss. Don’t kiss. And they didn’t. They remained friends and the film
was stronger for it.
There are some really interesting films without a romantic
subplot: The
Imitation Game, Edge of Tomorrow,
Wind River,
Elementary/CBS. The best relationship in the Marvel Cinematic
Universe is Hawkeye
and Black
Widow which is never romantic but has more love than I’ve seen in
many romcoms.
I think humans are incredibly interesting, complex, and
capable of greatness. We should be portrayed better than being stuffed into
these little boxes.
Oh, and before I leave, countries that have DEI and laws
against hate speech are now violating human rights.
The incredible
risk of COVID-19 to pregnant women and their babies has been documented
even while pregnant women are no longer advised by the CDC to get the vaccine.
And Orange Voldamort wants a bigger
ballroom. Compensation, I suppose.