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(Picture from here.)







[Two men standing next to a car. One is Tom Coleman, owner of the car. He is smoking a cigarette. The other is Frank McCarthy, a passer by.]

Frank: Nice car.
Tom: Thanks.
Frank: If you need a phone to call a truck--
Tom: No. The car is fine. I just pulled over to have a smoke.
Frank: Didn't want to hurt the upholstery?
Tom: Exactly.
Frank: Me, too. My wife won't let me smoke in the house. Got a light?
[Tom supplies a light]
Frank: Frank McCarthy.
Tom: Tom Coleman.
[shake hands]
Frank: That is some fine car. Beautiful lines. Cars are amazing.
Tom: Yes.
Frank: What do you do?
Tom: Automotive engineer.
Frank: Ah.
Tom: Is there a problem?
Frank: No. I just don't believe in automotive engineering. Engineering, surely. But not automotive engineering.
Tom: Really.
Frank: That's right.
Tom: You don't believe in cars.
Frank: Now that would be stupid, wouldn't it? Look at your car, right there. It'd be stupid not to believe in something that's right in front of me.
Tom: I don't understand.
Frank: I don't believe in the engineering of cars.
Tom: What? They just appeared by the will of God?
Frank: They came from a factory, of course.
Tom: Then, where did the factory come from.
Frank: That factory was built.
Tom: By whom?
Frank: That's the mystery, isn't it?
Tom: What mystery?
Frank: The mystery of all these cars. Big cars. Little cars. SUVs. Trucks. Far too many cars to be explained by a single factory.
Tom: I... suppose.
Frank: Then, they all must have been built by different factories, right?
Tom: Okay.
Frank: Therefore, all of the factories that built all of the cars must have existed at the same time.
Tom: Why?
Frank: Well, otherwise, we would have cars that changed over time, right?
Tom: But that's what happened
Frank: No. It's a lie propagated by Lee Iacocca. I don't believe in automotive selection.
Tom: You'd rather believe that all factories were built at the same time.
Frank: That's what it says in the bible.
Tom: What? On the third day he created the Edsel?
Frank: He created creeping and crawling things. Cars included.
Tom: But cars were different only a few years ago.
Frank: They were all simultaneously built. They couldn't have changed over time. Science precludes it.
Tom: Science?
Frank: Where are the transitional forms?
Tom: Like from, say, a Model A Ford to a DeSoto?
Frank: Absolutely.
Tom: But it has four wheels and a steering wheel. An internal combustion engine.
Frank: Look at those wheels. Solid rubber! And the engine has no injectors. Even the gasoline is different. A Model A could never be an ancestor to a DeSoto. Or this Porsche.
Tom: [steps to the car and kicks the wheels]
But look. Round. With treads.
Frank: But hollow and filled with air. Clearly they were created separately.
Tom: By God.
Frank: Of course. Who else?
Tom: What about junkyards?
Frank: What do you mean?
Tom: You can see transitional forms in junkyards.
Frank: No, you can’t. Show me a Model B or a Model C. It doesn't exist.
Tom: But other cars exist in junkyards.
Frank: They were put there by God to test our faith. Who's to say when they appeared.
Tom: There are records.
Frank: But the record is not complete. If it's not complete, it's engineering's defeat.
Tom: You're putting me on. [to the air] Am I on Punk'd or something? Where's the camera.
Frank: Besides, automotive engineering is a detriment to society.
Tom: I beg your pardon.
Frank: Adolf Hitler, Karl Marx, Joseph Stalin-- all drove cars.
Tom: Marx didn't. There weren't any cars then.
Frank: That's what they would like you to believe. It's all part of the global automotive engineering conspiracy.
Tom: I'm a part of a conspiracy?
Frank: You look like a nice boy. No doubt you're an unwitting part of the conspiracy.
Tom: I feel much better.
[beat]
Look. This is crazy. I can show you connections between all of the cars. Engine designs-- did you know the Model T used a buckboard support like a wagon? Henry Ford reused the design.
Frank: You're mistaken. That didn't happen.
Tom: Sure it did. I can show you pictures.
Frank: It's all part of the conspiracy. Automotive engineers all over the world have faked records and built elaborate automotive hoaxes to show that automotive engineering is real. But science has proven that it can't be.
Tom: I didn't fake any records. I work hard.
Frank: I did say "unwitting", didn't I?
Tom: Look. Don't take my word for it. Just look on the street. Look how they resemble each other. You can see changes over time. Look how SUVs are getting better gas mileage and car engines are getting more efficient.
Frank: That's micro-engineering.
Tom: Micro-engineering?
Frank: Little changes accumulating over time. You can see that everywhere-- clothes, cars, furbys.
Tom: I haven't heard of a furby in years.
Frank: Extinct. What I don't believe is in macro-engineering. The accumulation of changes in style and technology that can create new models or even new lines of cars. That just can't happen.
Tom: Science.
Frank: Yes.
Tom: How did science preclude... Macro Engineering.
Frank: Think about it. Let's say, you want to add a new engine to a car.One that burned unleaded fuel.
Tom: Okay.
Frank: You'd have to retool the engine, change the drive train. Maybe even introduce new technology to control the firing of the cylinders. On top of that, you'd have to create a whole new delivery system with new tankers and trucks. And there'd have to be some way to make sure the wrong gasoline didn't get delivered into the wrong engine. It's far too complicated.
Tom: How do you think it happened?
Frank: Clearly, God created the factories of all types of cars and some died out over time. Same for gasoline stations.
Tom: What killed them off?
Frank: The Flood.
Tom: The what?
Frank: The Great Flood. Noah's flood. Washed them right into the sea. Only the righteous cars survived. And that's why we only have unleaded cars today.
Tom: You're crazy.
Frank: Unwitting tools of the automotive conspiracy have made up their minds without examining the evidence. Lord, if they have eyes can they not see?
Tom: [tosses the cigarette]
Oooookay, then. Well, I've got to get back on the road.
Frank: Remember. You can't be saved if you believe in automotive engineering!
Tom: Good-- well, have fun with that.
[leaves]
Frank: Planting seeds. Planting seeds. Good Lord willing, some might sprout.

Inspired by Pat Buchanan's "essay" on evolution.
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Links of Interest
Quantum superpositions of living things
Steampunk, #6